Saturday, May 16, 2015


The room was filled with surge of emotions.  With eyes closed, our minds wandered as we hurried to grasp and reflect on the words our Club's Charter President was presenting.

"What are the weaknesses that you grabbed from the things I said?", she asked.

As we listened intently with anticipation, voices from different women expressing their thoughts came to light. What do you expect when women of different classifications gathered together in a meeting like this?

Our incumbent President, Jane, said, "I'm forgetful!"  Past President Ana mused, "I'm very trusting to a fault!" Rotarian Marivic shared, "most people think that I am..."

This is your moment to speak your mind; don't be shy now! I urged myself.  "I think..." "You think..?", our CP interrupted.  So then I blurted out much to my surprise, "I dislike people who talk nonsense! I dislike people who talk bad against another behind the person's back!"... "Oh, really?!", my mind screamed in disbelief, perhaps, echoing what the others were thinking at that moment.

Were my thoughts translated properly into words? Hhhhmmmm...Sadly not but too late.  I failed to stop my tongue as if it had a different mind.  I prepared myself to face the consequence of being misunderstood and I promised not to blame because that's what I deserved.  Surprisingly, my co-Gems remained composed and kind ignoring my seemingly haughty expressions.  More than relieved, I was grateful for the kind of people they are.  Not judgmental but respectful of the fact that we have our differences that make each one unique on their own.

I looked in the mirror unable to recognize my own self for the first time. Why did I commit such a blunder?  Then I realized that the very words I uttered rooted from my own self loathing.  How many times in the past did I catch and scold myself for talking nonsense to my friends and colleagues, perhaps due to my unconscious effort to impress?  Lucky that I have not caught anyone roll their eyes on me yet; instead, my silly and shallow comments were usually met with kindness and understanding.  But the bottom line is, I have NO right to even say things like that unless these were expressed right to my face!!

And by the way, why can't someone say bad things against another when one does simply because she feels safe in the company of trusted friends?  Besides, didn't I, at one point or more in my life instigate such kind of interaction?  Perhaps, there was no aim to badmouth but only a desire to pour one's heart out due to frustration over a friend's shortcomings.  But didn't I participate just the same while my tongue wagged and I enjoyed the exchange?

Truly, age is just a number.  But maturity requires no big numbers...only a forgiving and understanding heart.  Most of all, it's a virtue needing a kind tongue dulled by life lesson.  While I appreciate the former, please forgive me with the latter; I still need more years to have my tongue tamed.

And you know what? I...

(And then suddenly, I heard someone whisper in my ear, "Hey lady, here you go again! Please stop your nonsense!")