Friday, August 29, 2014

By Duckling GEM

You need not hide,
I will look your way but I won't see...

You need not run away,
I'll never chase, will let you be...

You need not feel guilty,
I shed my tears but won't be bitter...

You need not feel sorry,
There's more to life, I'm no quitter...

You need not ignore me,
To insist myself is the last thing that I will do...

You need not pretend you love me,
I'm not naive, I felt, I knew...

You need not think you've broken my heart,
I'm no fool, I knew  it was a game from the very start...

You need not say “Good-bye" to make me cry and hurt,
But would you kiss me one last? Then as friends...we part.


Saturday, August 23, 2014

Let me count the days...
Has it only been two days since the communication stopped?  Really?
My fingers hunger for the tapping motion and now, it's having a grand time indulging! Endless thoughts and ideas rush as if they were racing against time before the writer has a change of mind. Empty Starbucks cups began to pile up in the trash bin. And sans an ashtray packed of burnt cigarettes, I would give the impression that I were a professional writer. (Goodness! What's going on here?  Since I woke up this morning, I have been cooped up in my room doing nothing but tap, tap, belly is now rumbling and craving for solid food!  What time is it?)
But not so long ago, my room used to be occupied by voices interacting non-stop via on-line communication. My very observant mother would declare me sick if no earphones are properly inserted into my ears.  This must be the reason why she keeps on asking me if I were taking my vitamins as of late.  With earphones properly folded and cellphone buried deep inside my purse, who would not suspect that something was wrong? (Am I that predictable?)
But honestly, there's really nothing wrong.  Simply, circumstances change people and as much as we hate, growing apart sometimes becomes part of life's agenda.  Besides, there is more to life than sulk over spilled milk.  Perhaps, drinking your coffee black is not a bad idea? (Just kidding! :* )
Surprisingly, the deafening silence in my room hampers not the spirit.  
Breathing a sigh of relief, I realized that I am alone but not lonely...
But why on earth do I feel like Taylor Swift wanting to write about...what...a man? Nah! Alright then, why am I too engrossed?  Well, I could only surmise, it's the effect of that damn expensive coffee; I got too hyped up not wanting to stop.  

One realization though, occupied mind has no room for sadness, regret and hatred. And a good way to mend a broken heart? Go try this comforting combination:  Use the keyboard to exercise your fingers, the monitor to sharpen your eyes, Google to challenge your brain and blog to unload the emotional burden.  Ain't you glad that you need not wag your tongue?  :P
Let the tapping continue...
"Yaya Belen, order me another cappuccino please!!"



Friday, August 22, 2014


My 50th year of wonderful existence came in a flash.  Year after year seems to come unceremoniously and counting wrinkles on my used to be fresh face has become inevitable.  

Luckily at 50+, my generation seems to have retained all the heady zest of adolescence as we try to keep up with the demands of this modern time. We compete with our own children by affording to own updated 21st century gadgets while we bug them to teach us on how to operate. (I hope that my kids are not singled out for this dilemma.)

As I look forward to the future, looking back has become a habit. Although I am not wishing to turn back the hands of time (Heck, why should I? My life struggles were too great; it has produced blood, sweat and tears enough to compete with Ondoy flooding!) I love to be reminded of how I was that helped me become who I am now.

With vivid images,I remember being young, carefree, giggly…so full of energy and anxious about what life has to offer.  It was the time of Jeprokssosyal and baduy genres, not to mention the disco long playing albums big enough to cover a manhole…ah! Those were the good old days!

BUT the best of both worlds, so to speak, has made my generation lucky to have experienced different phases.  The technological evolution has taken us to greater heights and places as we get to be exposed to communication, computer and digital developments we never thought of possible during our younger years. The big changes have made it easier to communicate and coordinate no matter where you are in the world when, once upon a time, you needed to be physically present to make things happen. 

With how fast technologies advance, I am but certain that there are more in the offing…and I pray, that my generation will still be there STANDING strong, proud and capable not only because of one’s achievements in life but better off because of good health, and still looking fabulous worthy of a second look (the latter is for me, lol) to pursue a positive and gratifying existence. 

Let’s enjoy living! CHEEEEERS!!


Photo taken by my friend and bro, Mr. Bong Zamora.


She does not seem perturbed about her broken heart and I wonder...where does she get the strength?

She tossed and turned in bed for long hours, until finally, she came to a decision. With conviction, she started to type on her iPhone...advising him that she no longer wishes to stay in a relationship where she felt to be of no importance. (Sadly, her place in his heart has been downgraded; reduced to being a mere alarm clock that reminds him of her existence: “Time to wake up, mahal ko!...have you eaten your breakfast? …drop everything and eat lunch now!”) With no bitterness in her heart, she reminded herself that it was the right thing to do.  "There's no turning back!", she thought to herself. Hence, she sent him the messages in a swift graceful manner and composed past 12 AM! 

While driving on her way to work the following day, her heart felt a thump as she heard the usual sound from her cellphone.  How she wished it had the same joyful buzz but she knew better. Those overwhelmingly happy moments when she was being accompanied by his high spirited voice while she drives (through viber, facetime, name it..), whether it was a short or far distance, on skyway, ordinary roads and/or hi-way; those days and nights that made her feel so loved and protected were over! Her right hand trembled as it searched for her phone while her left knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel..."Focus on the road!", she scolded herself.

As expected, it was the dreaded reply from him. He has accepted her decision with resignation... “I’m not surprised at all if you had made that decision.  I won’t make any excuses but you know what my situation is right now.  I truly appreciate you…The time spent with you was precious and will always be in my heart forever...” Ugh! It was like a dagger stabbing my own heart; even I had difficulty reading! I can imagine the topsy-turvy emotions one has to cope given that same situation.

Simply, the two lovers have drifted apart…

BUT wasn't it months ago when she seemed to be the center of his universe?  Her voice alone was enough to make his spirit soar while her presence gave him a feeling of contentment and euphoria. Not to mention that once upon a time, they made a promise to each other that they would spend the rest of their lives together...and yes, they have asked God for 25 long years…for better or for worse (I should be dreaming here...the last phrase is a borrowed line from a marriage vow).  With blessings from their respective “happy” families, they have ventured the seas of a relationship thought to last a lifetime but sadly not.

Why then…suddenly?  What happened to that foundation built on love, mutual respect and trust?  Or, could it be a relationship founded so fleetingly on false hopes to cater to temporal and emotional desires? I could only make a sad, wild guess, it is the latter.

Sobs!  Why am I so affected?  I guess, being a woman who has had her own share of ups and downs in terms of past relationships…I know what another human being has to endure in moments like this.

Please allow me…I wish to grieve with her for the loss...but was it really her loss (or his)?  Or was it a simple case of a pinched heart? Nonetheless, it's a love story with unhappy ending worth tear-soaked tissue papers... OK girl, here's my shoulder...go on and cry your heart out...

But more than anything, I wish to celebrate and congratulate her for her courage.  Bruised alright, yet she has proven herself to be with placid disposition.  She has managed to leap, unafraid to fall, from the loveswept hysteria to the painful reality and realization.  Deserving of her liberation, she has succeeded to free herself from it all…to steer clear of further emotional havoc that has started to debilitate her emotional and physical being.  

I admire her grace in handling her pain in silence; I laud her and applaud!

Sniff…sniff!  Goodness! As I sobbed along, I realized I’m on my last layer of tissue sheets…I shall return with a fresh box…silly me!